“Men who molest women as children turns them into lesbians.”
“Being raped did not make me attracted to lesbians. Nor did it make me trans. Providers should know that and not say so or imply it. Even noting that many women who are abused “become” lesbians or that many lesbians have been abused in such a way is rather offensive and kept me from going to a gyn[ecologist] for some time” (“Chicken or Egg?”).
Many things within and outside of a person’s control contributes to their sexual/romantic orientation. Some women do feel as if their sexual/romantic orientation was changed by sexual assault. To deny that a population of lesbians feel that way would be rude and insensitive. However, to assume that every single lesbian or the majority of lesbians who were abused as children became lesbian solely because of that abuse denies the nuances of how an identity/sexuality/romantic orientation are formed. It is also extremely rude as the quote said above.
Related Topic under General Misconceptions: “Homosexuality is caused by childhood trauma or bad parenting.”
Excerpt quote: “Others suggest that sexual abuse in childhood can cause the development of a homosexual orientation. Again, there is no evidence to support this claim. The suggestion that abuse causes the development of a homosexual orientation doesn’t hold up given that many gay men have no such abuse history” (“Myths and Stereotypes that Dehumanize Gay Men”).
“Lesbians hate men.”
There isn’t much to say about this. This is a stereotype. Some lesbians do hate men: from their treatment of them, oppressive attitude, etc. but to say that it applies to the entire community is a gross generalization. The lesbian community is a diverse group of people just as the American people. A foreigner might think that all Americans are like Donald Trump- rude, racist and hate speakers. However, that denies how many people live in America with so many different views that it would be near impossible to list every single one. So to say that all lesbians hate men is like saying that all Americans are rude, racists who want to put immigrants into concentration camps.
“Lesbians just haven’t met the right man yet.”
This misconception likely comes from compulsory heterosexuality. Compulsory heterosexuality is the idea that heterosexuality is expected and enforced in our society ; therefore, heterosexuality is viewed as natural and an obligation. As a result of compulsory heterosexuality, we often tell those of alternate sexual/romantic orientations that they haven’t met the right ____ yet. However, if someone declares themselves to be straight/heterosexual, we do not question their conviction or that they are of that orientation.
Basically, if a lesbians wants to experiment and date a man, that is of their prerogative. Though, to assume that a lesbian has not met the “right” man is offensive towards the person because you are essentially telling them that you understand their sexuality better than they do. In addition, it shows how ignorant you are of sexual/romantic orientations so you embarrass yourself if that lesbian knows anything about sexual/romantic orientations.
“Lesbians use strap-ons and dildos to take the place of men.”
To put it simply, this is putting traditional gender roles onto lesbians which are not applicable. These gender roles aren’t even applicable to some heterosexual couples. In addition, this is a significant generalization to say that ALL lesbians use strap-ons and dildos, first of all. Second, most lesbians who identify as lesbians also identify as women. As a result, there is no “man” in their sexual activity.
“It’s not real sex if there isn’t a penis.”
Sex is occurs when contacts happens from: genital to genital, mouth to genital, and genital to anus. As a result, you can have sex without a penis. However, this question is more likely talking about how lesbians can’t have sex but lesbians can participate in all sorts of sexual activities. The list is below but please don’t ask anyone, including lesbians, how they have sex unless you are about to have sex with them or are in a relationship where that is a thing that is okay to talk about.
- Erotic massage
- Body rubbing
- Sex toys for clitoral, anal, vaginal stimulation
- Oral sex, vaginal sex, etc.
(This mostly only explains cis lesbian women.)
-Note: if anyone knows good resources (especially websites) that talk about queer sexual intercourse then it would be fantastic if you could comment in the section below. Personally, I had a very difficult time finding credible websites across the board.-
“In a lesbian relationship, one of them is butch and the other is femme so one can be the man and the other the woman.”
In a monogamous lesbian relationship, the people can be: both butch (masculine), femme (feminine), one or both can be androgynous. There are plenty of combinations of gender expressions that can be within a monogamous lesbian relationship. They are not limited to the extent that this stereotype implies.
“Lesbians try to ‘recruit’ straight women into lesbiansim.”
This stereotype likely came from back in the 1970s. Cis women who were part of the women’s right movement felt threatened by the idea that lesbians were infiltrating their movement and turning away straight women to encourage them to be lesbians. They coined this term as the lavender menace, a lesbian right’s group took this term as their group name and many lesbians felt pride about the term despite its negative connotations. It is similar to how the LGBTQIA community is reclaiming q-work and d-word . Some are even trying to reclaim the f-word.
Essentially, this is merely a stereotype which was already debunked in General Misconceptions, under “Gay people have a mission to make you gay. So, if a gay person teaches your child, he/she/they will make them gay!”
-Note: The q-word, f-word, and d-word were censored because they are triggering to some and this website is meant to be accessible to all people and not meant to be severely triggering. If you are curious what they are, clink on the links above. –
“Lesbian bed death.”
This is the idea that lesbians who are in long term relationships will stop or slow down with sexual activity. There is not much to say about this but that this isn’t an exclusive trait to lesbian relationships and some lesbians may experience it, but not all since this is a gross generalization based on little concrete facts.
“Lesbians can’t be friends with heterosexual women without wanting to have sex with them.”
First, lesbians can be friends with other lesbians and not have sex with them, much less heterosexual women. Lesbians are not sexually attracted to every woman they meet, they do not have sex with every woman they meet and like most people, many lesbians do not want to have sex with straight up platonic friends. Lesbians are people and not horny sex machines. Second, this comes from the same idea that men cannot be friends with women because then they will want to be in a relationship-sexual or romantic. While it may apply to some, many people of various sexual/romantic orientations can be friends with the gender they are attracted to and not have sex.
“Chicken or Egg?” Office of Justice Programs. Office of Justice Programs, June 2014. Web. 31 Mar. 2016.
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