{"id":891,"date":"2012-03-21T12:35:18","date_gmt":"2012-03-21T12:35:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/?p=891"},"modified":"2015-03-26T07:08:27","modified_gmt":"2015-03-26T07:08:27","slug":"my-out-of-body-diversity-experience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/my-out-of-body-diversity-experience\/","title":{"rendered":"My Out of Body Diversity Experience"},"content":{"rendered":"

by<\/em> Susan L. Gjolmesli<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

One of my favorite candies are those yummy, low fat, but high sugar, gelatinous Dot.\u00a0 You know the ones that stick to your teeth and dental work delightfully so that you can still taste the flavors later long after the little “sponges” of pleasure are gone from the box.\u00a0 My favorites are the licorise.\u00a0 I like the black ones.\u00a0 I like all the colors and I am always reminded when I am chilling our with my box of Dots that difference is good.<\/p>\n

But here I confess that there are days when my particular difference is truly a grind and my own attitude towards it can make or break relationships of the moment and crimp my style or just make for awkward situations and in some cases give me heartburn and send me into a fit of rage.<\/p>\n

When I was younger, people\u2019s lack of awareness, sophistication, good manners, civility, and intellect rolled of my back. Sometimes I found their lack of observance or situational
\nawareness funny and forgiveness came more quickly. Probably with age, more
\ntransgressions against my status as one who has been marginalized, I have
\nbecome sometimes seriously offended and less forgiving of people who are just
\nrude and should simply know better.<\/p>\n

Let me take you, the reader, through an experience I had last night at the mall \u2013 Factoria Mall to be precise.<\/p>\n

I spent a wonderful 2 hours as any woman might, sighted or blind, (which I am) having my hair tinted cut and styled. My talented, friendly, and thoughtful hairdresser is Latina and her name is Maria. My Seeing Eye dog is Inez \u2013 she is well loved at the place I frequent for this type of feminine pampering. Inez is the ultimate professional service animal, she is
\ncalm, obedient and able to sit still for 2 to 3 hours easily (she is a joy and appreciated
\neverywhere we go).<\/p>\n

Maria performed her magic on my air and she offered to walk me outside the shop\u2019s door to a bench where I\u00a0 could wait for my husband. Here is where my out of body experience occurred:<\/p>\n

Beautiful Latina woman talking to well dressed, stylishly coiffed White woman with dog in harness. White woman is feeling with her hands the bench she is about to sit upon, gathering the leash of the dog in her hand, arranging her purse and bag of hair products on the bench. She is busily thanking the younger woman for helping her.<\/p>\n

Man approaches and says to the younger Latina woman, \u201cThere are no pets allowed in the mall.\u201d<\/p>\n

(I will now visualize what I think happened, as I could not see it.)<\/p>\n

The hairdresser, shocked and embarrassed did not respond and remained quiet.<\/p>\n

The blind woman said rather sharply, \u201cShe is not a pet, she is a service animal.
\nThe man, who I sensed was quite young as his voice betrayed that quality, said, \u201cI have to ask.\u201d The blind woman said without pause, \u201cYou did not ask a question- you stated no pets were allowed as if she was a pet. Are you a security officer?\u201d<\/p>\n

No response \u2013 he walked away.<\/p>\n

The airdresser confirmed for the blind woman that he was a security guard.<\/p>\n

In the scene, the hairdresser thanked the client and the blind woman said she would see her again soon.<\/p>\n

When my thinking self returned to my body it seemed I shook with emotions I could not contain. Left there feeling like a rained on parade, my thoughts rolled like tumbleweeds on the prairies of Montana where my parents live. Wildly my thoughts grew in size and force careening into one another until it was all I could do to focus on one single thing.\u00a0 Why would he just slink away like that without saying a thing? He was so quiet, so stealthy; it was as if he had simply evaporated. Was he embarrassed or was he sorry? Was he sorry, truly sorry? Or was his pride wounded by a blind woman who challenged him and pointed
\nout in public that he was wrong to have approached me in that manner.<\/p>\n

What about my reaction? As I had my out of body diversity moment, had I been too sharp? Too chiding? Could I have massaged one more teaching moment out of my heart in this instant? How many explanations do I owe the public regarding my blindness and my means of independence? Just how many times do I have to put up with people inserting
\nthemselves into my private moments? Does the average Joe or Jill know how many
\ntimes every day of my life when I venture out I \u201cteach\u201d JQ Public about access issues and blindness, especially where my beautiful Inez is concerned? Is it truly my obligation in life to teach JQ Public everything they want to know about my life as a blind person? And to be
\nnice about it too?
\nBy the time my husband approached Inez and me he saw the undercurrent immediately and asked \u2013 \u201cwhat happened?\u201d\u00a0 Like a true champ and a true partner he let me gnash my teeth and hear me out. It certainly isn\u2019t the first time a security guard in a mall has tried to throw me out because of my dog guide or make me feel different \u2013 that word again . It
\nmust be a power thing. And let\u2019s not just focus here on security guards because there are plenty enough other positions to go around , public building janitors, restaurant owners, wait people, hotel employees, hospital staff, retail clerks \u2013any public place you can think \u00a0to mention it has happened.<\/p>\n

I am different, yes, I am different. But so are you \u2013 so are we all. I am so glad about that \u2013 I\u2019m just tickled beyond words about that. Remember the Dots? I would just hate a box of
\nall cherry Dots \u2026<\/p>\n

Getting back to my out of body diversity experience, however, in a few seconds 3 people and their differences collided in a not so positive way. Perhaps it is true that I didn\u2019t exactly help in that regard.<\/p>\n

My out of body experiences continue through the week in my head as I play out different scenarios. How would it be to have sight and to be able to be Maria catching the eye of this
\nyoung man to caution him and point to the harness and then to wave him away with a piercing glare? How would I know she had not done that? Perhaps that is exactly what happened. Maria is such a classy woman \u2013 and such a savvy woman who loves to unobtrusively help that could have been the true outcome.<\/p>\n

I observed her intervene gracefully as she did my hair that day with a woman who was a Spanish speaking customer as she tried to communicate with her English speaking stylist. Maria stopped what she was doing with me for an instant, walked over, laughing softly, speaking Spanish for just a few minutes, and then translated to the co-worker what was needed.\u00a0 Both customer and co-worker were grateful and pleased. Maria returned to me calmly and said, \u201cJust a little communication problem.\u201d And picked up our conversation straight away. I treasured her in that moment.<\/p>\n

So in my out of body memory I played with the option of Maria putting that security guard in his place without speaking a word. I was feeling much better somehow developing these
\nmake believe visual options for reasons I truly didn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n

Now there was the matter of my personal anger with which to deal. There is always that\u2026.but is it that really?\u00a0 Could it be fatigue and a life of disappointment? Could it be many petty annoyances stacked on one another until the unstable pile teeters and falls? Ah, the straw that breaks the camel\u2019s back. But, is this truly petty? Can issues of oppression and of privilege ever be considered petty? I think not.<\/p>\n

My mother is fond of telling people who will listen what a meek child I was. She often asks me what happened\u00a0to that young, timid, little girl who was quiet and somewhat afraid of
\ninteraction- especially if it was combative in nature. Her perceptions of what is rude and what should be tolerated are completely different from mine.<\/p>\n

I visit my parents every summer in Montana.\u00a0 My mother loves to shop, well; she enjoys looking and can spend 6 hours shopping for three or four items. It\u2019s more the social nature of the event and it\u2019s a wonderful tactile adventure in human observation for me. One day we went to Wally\u2019s World as my brother calls it \u2013 that would be a WalMart. It\u2019s not my particular favorite but then I was my 77 year old mother\u2019s captive audience \u2013 as was my lovely Inez.<\/p>\n

The Wall Mart greeter did the wrong thing by talking to my dog and petting her.\u00a0 I asked her politely to please refrain from touching my service animal as she was working and that was not allowed.\u00a0 The greeter then said to my mother \u201cPlease tell her I did not know that was wrong.\u201d\u00a0 To which I replied, \u201cExcuse me, there is no need to speak to my mother about
\nme, I am capable of speaking for myself and answering any questions you might have.\u201d As we walked away, my mother was obviously peeved with me and said, \u201cSusan,
\nyou didn\u2019t have to be so rude.\u201d Sigh\u2026.really, who was being rude? That greeter should have been trained \u2013 that is the first issue, but above all that, she should have known better in the first place. She inserted herself, her desire to pet my dog and her assumption that I could not speak for myself was off-putting for me \u2013 I found that so much more than rude. After all \u2013 I asked her nicely, with sensitivity, to please not interfere with Inez\u2019s responsibilities while I gently pulled my Golden closer to me where she leaned into me while the interaction unfolded. When the greeter then spoke to my mother rather than to
\nme I felt in that moment as if she considered me a non person not worth addressing. How ever could my own mother have thought that I was the person being rude? How could she have missed that I was being disregarded and ignored?\u00a0 What was wrong with this picture anyway? How could I have possibly remained quiet when I felt so put down?<\/p>\n

After years of this sort of public exploitation, that \u201cmeek\u201d little girl rew thicker skin. She acquired critical thinking skills and a philosophy that ncludes the football strategy, which states, \u201ca good defense is a strong offense.\u201d<\/p>\n

But as I was continuously reviewing my out of body experiences about diversity and my difference I wonder, could it be beneficial to dial down my anger? Just a bit? Perhaps my
\nimmediate reaction to negative experiences and to people\u2019s stupid remarks or lack of awareness has come to be part of my own internalized ablism or my own bias or willingness to jump to conclusions about sighted individuals and their well intended but largely misinformed assumptions. Perhaps in my youthful days when I was able to slough it off, have a good laugh, be friendlier and open it was better \u2013 I didn\u2019t obsess about it then. I could let it go and not review it in scenarios out of my body over and over again. And since lately I have been told on more than one occasion, even by my husband, that I can be intimidating, is that feedback worth considering?<\/p>\n

I guess at this point that is what you would call a rhetorical question. In truth, as I have fought for change over the years my heart is weary and scarred. Depending on the fight, some amount of appropriate anger is necessary to the cause. That is healthy. That has nothing to do with the ability to be friendly or open or loving which those who know me recognize me to be.<\/p>\n

Now, getting back to the diversity of blindness – there aren\u2019t too many totally blind people in this country. We number only two million. Many years ago, a mentor who was blind told me that I was a role model for the community. I was quite young at the time.\u00a0 I laughed in is face\u2026and I believe my response was \u201cthanks, but no thanks!\u201d He went on to tell me that blind people were such the minority that we were all role models whether we wanted to be or not. That stuck in my craw for a very long time. His words would haunt me if I was\u00a0 riding on a bus and if I were having a really bad day and didn\u2019t want to be nice to someone who was being nosey about my use of the cane or my need for a dog guide when I went to
\nthat mode of mobility. I just wanted to rest there on the bus like everyone else was doing \u2013 but I \u00a0would hear my mentor\u2019s voice telling me I was a role model\u2026.and explain as best I could.<\/p>\n

Really\u2026I don\u2019t see me as being all that different in any other way except that I don\u2019t see things in the visual way. I don\u2019t miss much. I can synthesize information with the best of
\npeople and my life is fulfilling with my work in higher education and in my relationship with my husband, son and many friends and family. My only regret or longing is that society has such discomfort with my difference and with the differences of others within protected classes. There are days I feel such a strong urge to stand on a high precipice and yell at the top of my voice \u201cGet over it! Get over yourselves and your assumptions and bias!\u201d<\/p>\n

I urge you all to take a leap of faith and just take an out of body diversity experience \u2013 imagine the difference you could make. Take a risk and extend yourself.<\/p>\n

What is it the French subscribe to? Vive Le Difference!! Reflect on the beauty everyone has to share in their own unique ways because we all have such a variety of differences to bring to our communities. And while you are at it enjoy yourselves by chilling out with a box of Dots!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Susan L. Gjolmesli One of my favorite candies are those yummy, low fat, but high sugar, gelatinous Dot.\u00a0 You know the ones that stick to your teeth and dental work delightfully so that you can still taste the flavors … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":41,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-891","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2012-edition","category-previous-editions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/41"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=891"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":893,"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891\/revisions\/893"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=891"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=891"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/studentweb.bellevuecollege.edu\/belletrist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=891"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}